(no subject)

20 Sep 2017 15:44
ravena_kade: (Default)
[personal profile] ravena_kade
I have a 4 day weekend.

YAY

I am getting ready for the ceramic show. I don't think it will do well, but we re trying. I do like the 1 day concept, but I think out tables are too expensive....but we have to cover 1.5 days of a hall rental.

I am looking for some good things.....


I may go play tomorrow morning and work in the afternoon.
[syndicated profile] captainawkward_feed

Posted by JenniferP

Dear Captain,

Over the last year, a once close friend of mine and I have been experiencing the African Violet of broken friendship. We had been through a very intense multi-year creative work project together, and after the project finished and she moved onto another job, we kind of drifted apart. For my part, I felt that sometimes she could say very unkind or cruel things. I noticed about two years ago that I was working very hard to win her approval, and felt very anxious if I didn’t get it and recognized that this friendship had become a bit unhealthy. I still valued many things about my friend, and thought that by setting some boundaries I could change the dynamic. After any incident where she said something unkind (for example, that half of the work on my part of the project was not my own work, which really hurt my feelings) or been judgmental (for example, negatively commenting on the dynamics of my relationship with my partner or how much I was eating and snacking during the intense project), I would take some space. Over the last couple of years my confidence has grown, not just in this area but in many other areas of my life, and I have been able to deal with some anxiety issues I had and learn how to set boundaries.

She started mainly hanging out with some different friends, and although we were still in touch, our conversation was becoming more and more surface-level. Anytime I suggested meeting up she would be really vague or say no. I was quite hurt at the time that she didn’t seem to want to hang out with me anymore, but I knew that we had just been through a really intense period in our lives and maybe she needed her space. There was always room for our friendship to get renewed further down the line. Before yesterday, we hadn’t been in contact for about four months. There wasn’t anything particularly negative about our last contact, it just tailed off.

I recently got a new job that I am very excited about and yesterday, in a whatsapp group she is also part of, someone congratulated me on my new job. About an hour later I got an feelingsemail from my friend. It’s not a nice email. It’s basically a bitter rant about how I have changed as a person. She said she didn’t recognize me anymore and how she had become fed up of what she perceives as my faults, and me being distant, over the last two years. She said that she didn’t deserve this kind of behavior from me and that she had never thought I would cut her off like this, although she had seen me do it to others (I don’t know where this comes from, I haven’t cut any one off apart from one girl back in high school which was 15 years ago!). In her mind, I am the bad guy, and it doesn’t sound like she is open to listening to anything else. She did say congratulations about the new job at the end.

I want to reply in a kind and compassionate way, because there were many things I valued about our friendship. We were so close, and I miss her. However, I don’t know what to say or how to respond to this email. I understand she sent it in a fit of overwhelming feelings, and underneath the accusations and manipulative statements, really she’s just sad about the loss of our friendship. I am open to being friends again, and rebuilding our relationship but it can’t be like this. I want to acknowledge the email, but I don’t want to get caught up in back and forth about who did what, or act in a way that says I think this email is acceptable, or apologize for things I haven’t done. How should I respond to this feelingsbomb? Should I even respond? How can people respond kindly and compassionately to feelingsmail in general?

Best wishes,
I’ve got feelingsmail

Dear Feelingsmail Receiver,

Your friend is projecting all over the place and all over you, a behavior where you take the stuff you are doing (especially stuff that you feel guilty about or ashamed of or upset about) and assign that behavior and the blame for it to someone else. Like the thing where you kept trying to make plans and she rebuffed you is now all about how you’ve abandoned her. Interesting.

Also Interesting: The less time you spend with her, the happier and more confident you’ve become over time.

Interesting Indeed: A really happy moment for you (congratulations on your new job!) has become the catalyst for her to criticize and accuse you of being a bad person and a bad friend. Not cool.

I don’t know how you repair that. It sounds like the way you’ve been drifting away from each other has been organic, with you taking care of yourself by taking space when you need it, and her choosing the company of other friends over you when she needs that.

Now she wants you to apologize and accept all the blame for the fact that your friendship isn’t as close as it was, and she also wants you to chase her. Do you want to do any of those things?

In your shoes I might just write back “Wow, okay??? Thanks for the good wishes at least. As for the rest, I miss spending time with you, too,” and just ignore the steaming pile of Feelings and Accusations. And then I’d let the ball be in her court to follow up, either to apologize or to suggest a time to get together.

I predict she will find this answer from you somewhat maddening and not see it as the face-saving mercy that it actually is, but that’s not your fault or your work to do to deal with. You don’t owe her a point-by-point response to her projection or the emotional catharsis she sought at your expense. (Note: You don’t actually owe friendship or any response at all to someone who sends you such a mean, rude message!) If she comes back with an apology or invitation to grab lunch or coffee, that will give you some useful information and if she comes back with renewed vitriol about what a terrible friend and person you are that will also give you some useful information.

If you do eventually sit down and address the issues in the friendship someday, you could say “Well, I’d been feeling like you didn’t want to hang out with me, so I stopped pushing and gave you space. I guess we’ve been mirroring each other.” It’s true and is neither an accusation nor an apology.

You can also ask her “Well, in a perfect world, where we have exactly the kind of friendship you want, how would you like this to work out?” and see what she says. In a difficult conversation where there’s a risk of getting stuck in a back-and-forth “It’s your fault”/”No it isn’t” about the past, this question can prompt people to stop and articulate a positive vision for the future. What’s the best case scenario where you get to recover a friendship that works for both of you? This “workable” version may be a very tiny, small-doses thing or no friendship at all, but I think this is your best chance for finding out if anything here can be saved.


as I was walking...

19 Sep 2017 23:02
julian: Picture of Julian Street. (Default)
[personal profile] julian
Actually, I was settled in one place, come to think.

Anyway, so Cambridge (the College) has moved, and unexpectedly postponed the start of classes for a week due to what seem to have been electrical and networking issues, so classes only just started. (I did various Useful Things at home during the week, but, confronted with an extension of my vacation, I also shrugged and vacated some more. I went to Nut Island one day, and then World's End over the weekend, after which I had the entertaining experience of watching the fog roll in on Nantasket Beach. Rarely does it happen so clearly. Also got to watch the sunset at the endpoint of Hull. Mmm. Waves.)

Getting back to the point, here, it's already become clear from three days' worth of evidence that if I leave campus at a certain point, I will miss my useful bus home. It's not like I'm doing it on purpose, it's just, the way class and the subway and the busses work out, I barely miss the last bus before they transition from every-20-minutes-or-so, and hit the valley of the one bus that's a 40 minute wait. (After that they're every half hour.)

Since my various travels of August and September disrupted my gym routine (and then I was sick for a few days), and I haven't gotten back into it, what I have been doing lately is walking more. Running into this bus valley enables me to mutter and, rather than waiting in irritation, I stop by the grocery store/food co-op, and then am able to walk 3/4 of a mile or so until the next bus comes. (The way to do this is to walk until I see the inbound bus coming, at which point I stop at the next bus stop and wait for the outbound return, because to be caught between bus stops would be *annoying*, yo.)

In this particular instance, I had just stopped at the bus stop and was (I admit) looking at my phone when a guy coming out of a cross street whammed into the woman driving on the main street, right in front of me. (Durnell Ave at Washington St. No one cares but me.)

More detail than one needs on an accident. )

So! Good deed completed, I left and went down to the bus stop with a bench, and hung out reading until the bus came.

Waffling over classes. )
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
I watch, but nothing moves today.

Looks like it's going to be overcast all week, and next week too. Well, fuck. I'm putting my lightbox back on.

*********


Superheroes for the Jewish New Year

There Never Was a Real Tulip Fever

The 11 sisters of Siervas are a rock band like 'nun' other

Scientists Once Dressed Frogs in Tiny Pants to Study Reproduction

In Alaska’s Far-Flung Villages, Happiness Is a Cake Mix

Octlantis is a just-discovered underwater city engineered by octopuses

How Two Lesbians Fought the Nazis With a Typewriter

Meet Nazo Dharejo: The toughest woman in Sindh

In a First for the Nation, Portland Police End Gang List to Improve Relations With Blacks and Latinos

The Rust Belt Needs Legal Immigration

That Awkward Moment When Your Twin Brother Is A U.S. Citizen At Birth, But You’re Not

Lawsuit targets searches of electronic devices at US border

New hope for limiting warming to 1.5 C

This Department Is the Last Hideout of Climate Change Believers in Donald Trump’s Government

Child care choices limited for those working outside 9-to-5

St. Louis sees third day of protests after officer's acquittal

ICE Detained This Trafficking Victim on Her 18th Birthday. Why?

Hurricane Maria is following Irma's path and getting stronger

The Sci-Fi Roots of the Far Right—From ‘Lucifer’s Hammer’ to Newt’s Moon Base to Donald’s Wall

Graceful menace: States take aim at non-native swans

New Mideast realities require support for Kurds

What is at stake in Iraqi Kurdish vote for independence?

Iraq says may use force if Kurdish referendum turns violent
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
It took a lot of back and forth and emails getting lost, but I got her signed up!

And now she's claiming she didn't ever ask for this in the first place. Yeah, right. I get that she wants to spend time with her friends, but - dude, she spends hours with them every single day. She can take a day off and maybe make some new friends, something she frequently claims she wants.

***************


10 Badass Trees That Refuse To Die

The Making of the Modern American Recipe

Marilyn Monroe and the Potato Sack Dress, c.1951

DNA triggers shape-shifting in hydrogels, opening a new way to make 'soft robots'

The Spanish Royal Philanthropic Expedition to Bring Smallpox Vaccination to the New World and Asia in the 19th Century

Stopped at US border, Haitians find 'Mexican dream' instead

How Pants Went From Banned to Required in the Roman Empire

Just squeeze in—researchers discover when spaces are tight, nature loosens its laws

In Amish Country, the Future Is Calling

Children Used to Learn About Death and Damnation With Their ABCs

The Problem With Free Menstrual Pads

Tillerson says U.S. could stay in Paris climate accord

The Commuter Parking Benefit Is Seriously Hurting Cities

Dylann Roof requests new attorneys, declaring appeal team his biological enemies (Relevant quote: “The lawyer appointed to represent me at my federal trial was David Isaac Bruck, who is also Jewish. His ethnicity was a constant source of conflict even with my constant efforts to look past it.” All his lawyers deserve medals and a fruit basket. Maybe some booze. They earned it after putting up with him!)

US people of color still more likely to be exposed to pollution than white people

Breastfeeding Behind Bars: Do All Moms Deserve the Right?

When Does the Right to an Attorney Kick In?

Why Many Deaf Prisoners Can’t Call Home

Unbudgeted: How the opioid crisis is blowing a hole in small-town America's finances

See jerkface bacteria hiding in tumors and gobbling chemotherapy drugs

Myanmar Follows Global Pattern in How Ethnic Cleansing Begins

Rohingya Muslims being wiped off Myanmar's map

Three killed in stampede for aid near Rohingya refugee camp

Bangladesh warns Myanmar over border amid refugee crisis

The Ominous, Massive Military Exercises in Eastern Europe

(no subject)

19 Sep 2017 16:44
ravena_kade: (Default)
[personal profile] ravena_kade
The VP that I am fond of just told us he was leaving the company in October.... and does not have a job lined up. I am sad for him as his twin girls are in year 2 of an expensive college here in Boston.

I am worried to as he was a buffer .... and a better VP than my 2 cousins have... that one is a prick.

I am curious how John, the boss I really like... like I'd date him..., will hold up.... will he stand up for the way we work , which is more laid back than my cousins, or will he cave. I could loose my hours... the only thing that makes it okay here... we'll accept from John 😉

Work Post

19 Sep 2017 03:18
relee: Picture of Relee Squirrel (Default)
[personal profile] relee
5:13am - Geez gravy. I think I've been here at the McDonalds two hours already and I haven't started work yet, I just looked at Twitter (so many tweets today!) and watched some YouTube.

But I guess I've run those distractions into the ground and it's time to actually get started.

Well one thing first. I want to say I was really frustrated with yesterday. I hadn't planned to spend the entire day in bed, but I just found myself incapable of getting up again after I laid back down after writing about Rosewood Cottage. Not until after midnight, anyways. I woke up and fell asleep at least six times yesterday, but couldn't find the will to get out of bed. And worst of all is that I didn't feel depressed. I didn't feel bad for no apparent reason, or even for an obvious reason. I was just being lazy. That's really upsetting.

But, well, it happened. And now I'm here to work again.

Heh, I'll get to the work eventually, I just remembered another thing. When I finally did get up I talked with my mysterious inner circle and they said they loved the ideas I talked about for Rosewood Cottage. They suggested I make both, or one game with all those themes. Like, a quaint town of talking animals which is surrounded by magical realism, where magical forest creatures entreat your help as the inheritor of a mystic debt as the impetus for you exploring the magical domain you live in.

That is pretty darn rad, I have to say. It's a better idea than most I come up with when I'm awake, anyways. But it's more of a setting or story prompt than an actual game. So it'll have to wait for the future. Still, I want to comment on Rupert. Have you ever read the books or seen the show? He lives in a totally bizzare world and goes on some frickin' insane adventures, while living a relatively normal life in a quaint english country village of talking animals.

Alright, now I really should stop talking about that stuff and get down to work. I have a top-down character controller to make.

The main problem I've got with the basic character controller you can get from the Unity Tutorials on the Unity Website is that I want my character to stop under their own power and not just by friction. So, when the controls are released or reversed they should quickly stop and turn the other way. I'd kind of like to set up an animated sprite for this, but I don't want to go to that trouble of arting something I'm only going to use for testing.

Part of my problem is that I only like using CC0 assets for my games, even in testing, since otherwise people expect you to give them credit or worse. I don't need that kind of stress for assets I might accidentally include in my game later.

So I made my own thing that's basically eight sprites of a bouncy ball with a face in four directions. But I could make a much better character if I spent most of the day on it. Le-sigh.

I'm going to focus on the coding for now. Currently it just takes the smoothed axis data from the keyboard/gamepad/whatever and applies a force in the direction indicated multiplied by the speed value set in the inspector, and it only slows down or stops because of the Linear Drag set in the RigidBody2D Component.

I want to change it so that it adds a force required to stop the player when the controller enters the dead zone or reverses, or when the movement keys are released or reversed.

6:10am - Actually, I've gotten it to a way I like just by changing it to GetAxisRaw and using the drag and speed variables.

So, what am I going to do with this super basic top-down character controller?

6:21am - One bathroom break later I'm still not sure what to do next. I thought I had chosen a destination, but it seems I just said "Any of these things need a top-down character controller and a few similar elements" and now I've got a basic top-down character controller that doesn't really do anything...

Mmm...

I could make some basic elements just to have them I guess. Like, something to load levels from Tiled would be nice.

I could also make a simple game like my Smol Mouse Thief only this time make it a top-down 2D game with certain elements included for options, like, I could make my guy swing a sword like Link and shoot a gun like, uh, I dunno, I'm thinking something like those guys from Smash TV. What's a better example? Oh I know one, I want to make frickin' 2D Spiral Knights. Sword and gun and maybe shield and maybe dodge and maybe bomb...

Then I can add and remove elements as needed by the game I'm making.

Frankly, Spiral Knights is one of those games I'd like to remake entirely and "Do it My Way".

Huh, on a lark I went to see if three rings was hiring and apparently they're gone, replaced by Gray Havens, a group dedicated to keeping their old games alive. Also Gray Havens has no corporate info on their site so I guess they're not hiring anyways...

6:42am - It's becoming clearer and clearer that I'm going to need some art resources for my next step, and I'm going to have to make them myself. The difficult question for me is, single sprites or collections?

I could make a set of classic style sprites for each frame and pose I want, or I could draw some simple shapes and animate them into poses in Unity itself. I guess I'm going with the second one, right now it feels like the right choice. It's much easier to do, but I don't know how to do it exactly. I know Unity can do it; I've seen it done. But all the examples of it I've seen had pregenerated characters. So, this'll be an interesting learning experience for me.

7:16am - I watched a couple tutorials and it doesn't look so bad. I also tried to get a copy of Spriter but their website is messed up right now so I can't. I'll have to try again when I get home, in case it's a McDonalds problem.

For now I'll try to make my character parts in Inkscape.

7:42am - I've been looking for good advice online for drawing top down characters for video games. Most of the advice is for professional artists trying to make some professional level art, though. ^.^;;

8:26am - I'm workin' on drawin' my dude. I'm feeling a little worn out and hungry though, and I've realized just how long I've been out here at the McDonalds. So I'mma get sommat to eat for lunch and take a break.

9:11am - Back to work I guess.

10:06am - Dude is drawn! At least in one direction anyways. I've got bits I can mutate into other bits. I'm getting pretty worn out though. I've been out a long time working on all this. I think it's about time I went home and rested.
ann_leckie: (AJ)
[personal profile] ann_leckie

So, here I am in St Louis and if you saw yesterday’s blog post you might have noticed there are no St Louis dates on the tour.

BUT.

Thanks to Left Bank Books, there’ll be an event in the Central West End called BookFest St. Louis. There will be lots of writers there, and the vast majority of panels and whatnot are free! (I think there are, like, two exceptions.)

There’s going to be a Science Fiction panel at 5pm on Saturday, September 23, with Charlie Jane Anders, Annalee Newitz, Mark Tiedemann….and me!

If you are in St Louis this weekend, come to BookFest! Left Bank Books is a lovely store with a very nice SF section and worth visiting on its own, but just look at all the folks who are going to be here! Do come to the CWE this weekend if you can!

Mirrored from Ann Leckie.

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